Why "You Lost Weight!" IS NOT A Compliment

Yesterday, someone I haven't seen in ages told me, "Grabe ang laki na ng pinayat mo!"

And without even thinking, my automatic response was... "Thanks!"

Right after I said it, I paused and almost shook my head in disbelief. I felt embarrassed. Why did I thank her? How mindless of me. It wasn't a compliment. She was just stating objectively that I lost weight. She never mentioned that I looked beautiful or better or more fabulous because of it. She didn't give me a compliment.

A compliment is a polite expression of praise or admiration. That's what it is. I've noticed that there are so many people today who treat "you've lost weight" statements as a compliment whether they give it or receive it, but they really shouldn't.

It's NOT a compliment the same way, "You dyed your hair blonde!" isn't a compliment. It's not a compliment the same way, "How tall you've grown!" isn't a compliment.

These are mere obvious statements based on observation.

NOT compliments.

We need to change our mindset about how we give and receive compliments.

You cannot really tell based on aesthetic alone what the person has done to lose the weight. It could be by healthy means, but it could also be by something detrimental to their emotional, mental, or physical health. Not unless we have a close relationship with the person, we can never truly know the reason behind the thinness by just looking at them.

It could be through crazy diets, slimming pills, or starvation. The weight-loss could also be an effect of stress or fatigue or an illness. It could also be a result of drug use or an eating disorder.

When you use statements like "you're so skinny" or "you've lost a lot of weight" as a compliment, you don't really know what you're fueling the receiver of the compliment to keep doing.

On the other hand, if you're on the receiving end of these statements and you take it as a compliment, it makes you shift your focus on numbers (whether size or weight), with the risk of it becoming an obsession. And more often than not, when this happens, it breeds an unhealthy body image that's anchored on thinness (not fitness) that could lead to desperate and dangerous ways to keep the weight off.

If you want to give someone a compliment, give an authentic one based on the actual definition of the word. If you think somebody looks better because of the weight-loss, then just tell them they look beautiful or fabulous or great. If it's their determination or strength or will-power to pursue fitness that makes you in awe of them, then say exactly that.

Give a polite expression of something PRAISE-WORTHY and something ADMIRABLE—one that's NOT highlighting a person's size or weight.

As for me, the next time someone tells me I got thin or I've lost so much weight, I'm just going to agree and objectively say, "yup!"




ANG GANDA MO BESH,
Stacy  💖